• Get and stay married. Genuine child abuse is strongly linked to the "live-in boyfriend" culture.  Your "special friend" likely doesn’t love your kids the way you do, and may not be a motivated role model.  Face it: the live-in relationship doesn’t provide genuine stability for children. Stress levels are often higher than in married couples, and stress is a precipitating factor for genuine child abuse.

• Don’t use drugs. Genuine child abuse and neglect are strongly linked to drug use. Even if you consider yourself a good parent, your drug use will be a negative role model for your kids. If you are ever arrested, odds are excellent the cops will take your kids, saying they are "at risk".

• Practice the full range of disciplinary techniques. Timeouts, extra chores, and mandated apologies are all pretty effective. If you just have one bag of tricks – namely physical discipline – you’re setting yourself up for failure as your kids grow up. You also run a huge risk of having the kids taken away.

• Don’t spank in public.  A classic is the "grocery store parking lot spanking". Some busybody Boomer is sure to get your license plates. And the cops, lacking serious bad guys to chase, will be waiting for you at home.

• Don’t spank in ways that leave bruises. The system treats a welt on the posterior with the same seriousness as a cigarette burn, a broken bone, or a severe beating.  State laws provide NO distinction between a single mark from legitimate discipline, and devastating injuries from willful, sustained torture.   

• If you spank, strongly consider taking your kids out of public schools. Statistics verify what we’ve been told by SCF caseworkers: most reports of child abuse come from public school teachers. Further, a recent study of Oregon SCF indicated the agency regularly questions and removes children from public schools without parental permission or notification.  If you choose to homeschool, spend the $100 to join the Home School Legal Defense Association.  They have a website:  www.hslda.org

• Be a devoted spouse or family member.  You need the mutual support of someone who loves you to be strong in everyday life.  If you are accused of abuse, you will need to depend on each other more than ever.  Don't let second-guessing or blaming come between you and your spouse.  This is about the system, not about your relationship.  Be strong with each other.  Your loving spouse or family member is the first part of your support network.

• Be an active member of a community of faith. Your local church or synagogue is a family of faith who will come to your aid in your time of need.  They are the second part of your support network.   Through prayer and physical support, fellow Christians will prevent far greater damage to your family. 

• Be there for your friends and neighbors.  They are the third part of your support network.  Talk to them about keeping your kids for extended periods at a moment’s notice. If you have reason to believe you’ve been reported, go to their house first, and drop off your children. Remember – your children’s possession is an immensely powerful weapon for the State, and the first it will use if you try to assert your rights. Deny the State your children, and you may have a fighting chance in dealing with false accusations. You may also prevent physical and emotional abuse to your children while they are foster care.

• Cultivate wise and experienced friends. You will need their advice desperately in any crisis – especially when your child is at risk.

• Get an attorney NOW.  Don't find out the hard way: it is FOOLISH to wait until you need one to find one. Most attorneys are NOT tv-show scions of conscience and competence. Most attorneys are creatures of the system who feel success is a plea bargain.  Your chance of finding a good attorney is greatly enhanced by looking early and thoroughly.  You may try the Martindale-Hubble directory of attorneys, available in the research section of your library.  The book ranks attorneys by specialty and by assigning letter grades to overall performance.  You will want to screen several attorneys over the phone.  Interview two or three at length.  They will ask for a consultation fee for this.  Pay it gladly.  You may also want to meet with the attorney's private investigator.  A good private investigator is a critical member of your team.

• Get three tape recorders, keep them in fresh batteries, and feed them good tapes.   Keep one by the door.  Have another in your car.  Keep one at the phone.  Record ANY and ALL contact with Children's Services and Law Enforcement in their entirety!  (Check your state's taping laws here).   Many caseworkers and police like to bully people.  Most routinely lie under oath (all for the greater glory, of course).  Throw them off-balance by recording their every word.

• If SCF shows up at your door, recognize there is about a 40% chance they will take your child.  If they take your child, there is only about a 30% chance they will return her/him in the next two weeks.  If your child is not returned within two weeks, you have only about a 40% chance of return within a year (Oregon statewide 1995 stats).  The system does not consider forcible removal of a child to be abuse!   For them, this is business as usual!

• Recognize the system hates, hates people who assert, or attempt to assert, their constitutional rights.  If you decide to assert yours, make darned sure you're on tape or have witnesses.  Asserting your rights without this support insures harsh treatment.

• Recognize also the system gains great power by separating you from your support network.    Don't let it happen.  If you decide to talk to SCF or Law Enforcement, do so only on condition that a trusted neighbor, friend, or advisor is present.  Record EVERYTHING on audio or video tape.

• SCF and law enforcement often run in packs of three, two of whom are police.  This is officially to offer the widest range of "services"and provide the greatest "safety" to each other and your child.  Of course, their definition of "services" and "safety" is fairly twisted.   The technique gives them a huge psychological advantage, and mutually supportive witnesses when they screw up.   Learn from this.  Return the favor.  Get a neighbor, an attorney, a trusted advisor - or at least a tape recorder - to be there in any contact with them.  They will hate you for it.  Do it anyway.

• Get over childish notions that the system is about justice.   Children's Services and the criminal justice system is a huge machine best understood on the basis of Machiavellian power.  It exercises power as naturally as breathing.  It works relentlessly to preserve and maintain power.  It skirts or ignores inconvenient laws.  It covers its own when they do wrong.  If the system decides you are a bad person, not even overwhelming evidence will change its approach.If you are a "nice person" you may not have seen the dark side of law enforcement.  Ethnic communities see it.  They  see a lot of it.  That's why they hate the police.

• Police are trained to appear kind and understanding, when in fact they are seeking probable cause to "cuff and stuff".  If there is anything - anything - about the situation that might be construed, twisted, or misinterpreted as to be illegal -  do what your attorney tells you, when you have your initial consultation with him/her (you have selected an attorney, haven't you?): keep your mouth shut!   If you can, ask the officer to leave.  If they refuse, consider calling 911.

• Caseworkers will demand to talk to your children without you present.  They will use leading questions.  They will strip-search your kids without probable cause.  They will terrorize your family in ways that will hurt all of you for the rest of their lives.  Most caseworkers are NOT well-adjusted parents, and have little understanding of normal family structure.    Treat them with the greatest possible tact.  Ask that all interviews with your kids be taped, while the tape recorder you keep by the door is running.

Gather a genuine support network of family, friends, members of your church, and neighbors.  We had four very committed members, and about a dozen people willing come if asked.  This seemed about the right number.

• Do NOT say you are going to sue SCF.  They hear this all the time.  It is VERY difficult to sue, and VERY expensive (up to $80,000).  It CAN be done, but it must be done AFTER the kids are home, not before.

• If you can get your children back in your home by agreeing to a "family safety plan" - do it.  Negotiate carefully, in partnership with your attorney,  to insure SCF is actually committed to bring your child back to you if you perform specific acts, with a specific deadline for them to comply.  The contract they give you  will require you to do a number of things, and will commit Children's Services to NOTHING.  Do NOT sign it as-is.  Modify the language to a strict, "if we do this, you do that.".

• Many states are moving to allow children to stay with grandparents or other responsible adults.  Your support network is critical to negotiating this for you.  They will need to be on their best behavior during these negotiations.

• Comply fully with any ordered counseling.  If the idea of being at the mercy of some bearded, Marxist counselor makes you wretch, realize you have a choice of counselors.   Pick a good one.  Fully attending all counseling doubles the chance your child will be returned to you, according to Oregon 1995 stats.

• Get your support network to show up to all hearings.  Show up to all hearings yourself.  This impresses the judge and the DA's office.  Genuine scumbags have few if any supporters, and often fail to show for hearings.  Citizens do show up, and have friends who will, too.

• Have your support network develop and file numerous "affadivits of character" with the court.  This impresses the judge and DA's office.  Genuine scumbags have no character.  Citizens do.

• You may actually face triple jeopardy:  Criminal court, civil court, and juvenile court.  Fighting a war on three fronts is incredibly expensive.  You may need to liquidate retirement or college savings; or take out a second mortgage.  You may need to work out a payment plan with your attorney.  During the time of your defense, money flows like water.  Every time your attorney lifts a finger, you'll get a bill that says something like, "lifted finger - $25".  This is not really the time to worry about the expense.   Spend what it takes.  Become a finger-lifting attorney after it's over.

• Educate yourself about the law, and about prior case judgements.  You don't need to be a lawyer, but you need to be able to have intelligent conversations with one.

• Contact your attorney fairly frequently.  This costs you money, but it also tends to bubble you to the top of his priority list.  You probably need to be at the top of his list.  Similarly follow up with your private investigator.

• Consult regularly with members of your support network.  Keep them happy, keep them informed, take their advice.

• Start a journal or notebook.  Keep all records.  Keep any cards from concerned friends.  Keep every scrap of paper that might maybe someday prove important.   Every day, record anything of significance in detail.

• Most people have no idea just how limited their rights are, and how powerful the government is.  It's fashionable to think of government workers as giants of ethics and intellect.  You know different.  Spread the word.