Sex Abuse as Abuse Prevention

Tennessee, like many states, has "Safe, Strong, and Free" legislation. The legislation creates and funds mandatory sex and physical abuse training programs for young children. Of course, to help young children recognize abuse, they must be educated about it. Children are innocent, so training cannot use slang or innuendo - it must be graphic. Thus, the State's solution to sex abuse is…sex abuse. To preserve the innocence of a very few, the system must first destroy it for all.

A former Tennessee day care worker sent the attached curriculum to CPR in July 2000. You may read the entire curriculum, or just hit the highlights:

 As you read, keep in mind the target age for this material is 4-6 years, and that ALL children receive this training, not just those considered to be at risk. Ask yourself these questions:

• How many four year-old children will really be in a genuinely abusive situation, yet still be able to use this training appropriately? Is it one percent of children? Five percent?
• What is the likely effect on innocent children from non-abusive homes?
• How many children will use this training as a basis for false memory, or for lashing out in anger against an innocent parent or guardian? (You did notice, didn't you, that the curriculum gives no warning against false accusations?)

CPR believes this training is abusive and hopelessly unrealistic. The State has failed to recognize that sex abuse is an adult theme; protection from it is an adult responsibility. Instead of talking with high school girls about the hazards of "live-in" relationships, it tries to make four year-olds responsible. Notice also that the consequences of a report are glossed over. In the magical land of this training, Children's Services doesn't send the police to arrest Mom and put the child in foster care. If Children's Services really wants to educate four year-olds, it should come clean with them about the actual implications of telling a non-parent. Only then can the children make a truly informed decision about whom to report and to whom to report it.

If you agree with CPR that "Safe, Strong, and Free" material is far from age-appropriate, take action by informing family, friends, and the media. Write letters. An excellent example may be found here.

GROWING UP STRONG AND SAFE

A PERSONAL SAFETY CURRICULUM

FROM THE

TENNESSEE DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES

The problem of child sexual abuse is very frightening - both in the increasing numbers of families it affects and in the extensive damage it inflicts on each victimized child's present and future life. Statistics indicate that one in four girls is sexually exploited by age eighteen; one in ten boys is sexually molested by age eighteen.

Keeping children safe from sexual abuse is an enormous social task involving many factors:

• Appropriate laws and enforcement procedures to deal with perpetrators.
• Citizens informed about the problems and aware of reporting procedures.
• Parents, teachers, caregivers, and professionals who are trained to detect signals or "indicators" of sexual abuse from children and their behaviors and to report abuse promptly to appropriate authorities.
• Parents, teachers, and caregivers who are trained to respond appropriately to a child who discloses he/she was or was almost abused.
• Adults--teachers and parents--who are willing and trained to teach children how to be safe end cautious without making them fearful.
• Children who are raised to feel good about themselves and their self-worth; to identify unsafe touches; to know and follow personal safety rules; and to know some adult friends they trust and can confide in.

You, the child's teacher and caregiver, play a partnership role with the child's parent(s) in ensuring the healthy development and safety of each child in your agency. You have the primary responsibility to make sure that no child is abused or neglected in any way while in your care. In addition, you can play a significant part in teaching children to value themselves and to learn, as they develop, to begin to care for and protect themselves.

The Tennessee Legislature recognizes the vital contribution you can make in protecting children from abuse. In 1985 the legislature in protecting children from child sexual passed an important Child Sexual Abuse Law which includes: (1) a mandate that all staff in preschool and child care agencies receive training in the detection, intervention, prevention, and treatment of child sexual abuse and (2) a mandate that a sexual abuse prevention program be presented annually to children in every licensed or approved preschool and day care agency in the state.

In 1986 a suggested curriculum for preschoolers, was printed and distributed to all day care agencies. After two years of use, the curriculum and its impact on children and families was carefully evaluated with information gathered from parents; teachers and directors; licensing staff; child development, early childhood curriculum, and mental health specialists; members of the Child Sexual Abuse Task Force; and results of research conducted on child sexual abuse prevention programs used across the country. With that information, this curriculum, Growing Up Strong and Safe, was written with the assistance of preschool teachers and directors.

This curriculum is designed to be used with three-, four-, and five-year-old children only. It is not developmentally appropriate for younger children. The purpose of this personal safety curriculum is not to train children to protect themselves. Young children, particularly children of preschool age ', cannot protect themselves. This is the responsibility of trusted, caring adults, parents, other family members, teachers and caregivers. But young children can learn to identify dangers and problem situations; they can begin to learn and follow basic safety rules; they can begin to be assertive; and they can learn to identify adults they can trust who can help them with problems too big for them to handle alone. These are the goals of this curriculum.

Before you use the curriculum in your agency, it is critical that you and your children's parents understand the child sexual abuse problem; know how to detect and deal with the problem; and know how you can help children grow and develop with knowledge and skill to avoid the problem whenever possible. Therefore, to be effective in using the curriculum you will want to do two them

- learn about the problem and its frequency

- learn the "indicators" of child sexual abuse so you can detect the

- learn how to respond appropriately to a child who discloses abuse or you suspcct has sustained sexual abuse

- learn how to be supportive of an abused child in a continuous, on-going way

In the Appendix of this book, you will find a "Suggested Agenda for Parent Meeting." You will also find suggested handouts for the parent meeting and letters to send to parents wb.en you begin teaching the curriculum and as you finish each unit.

If it is not possible for you to have a parent meeting, discuss the curriculum individually with your parents of three-, four-, and five-year-olds, and provide them with the handouts.

If you are a home provider with three-, four-, and five-year-olds and children of other ages as well, you may be uncertain how you can use this curriculum in your situation. We suggest that you select a time when younger children are asleep to have an informal story time just as you do when you read books to the preschoolers. Select a comfortable place in your home, perhaps on a couch. A child could hold the picture while you read the story and guide the follow-up discussion.

Be sure that you do not include any three-year-olds in the lessons marked not-for-threes. We encourage you to do some of the suggested supplementary activities which.all of your children benefit from and enjoy.

The "Curriculum Overview" in the Appendix provides a summary of the goals of the personal safety curriculum. A copy should be given to all staff and all parents.

BEFORE TEACHING THE CURRICULUM, SEND HOME PARENT LETTER #1 TO ANY FAMILY IN WHICH NO PARENT OR PARENT REPRESENTATIVE ATTENDED THE PARENT MEETING,

Must the person(s) who will teach the curriculum receive training first?

Must I/we have a parent meeting before I/we teach the curriculum?

What The Curriculum Contains

Growing Up Strong and Safe is made up of thirty-one (31) lessons including thirty (30) poster-size pictures. We suggest that the lessons be kept together in a notebook. Each poster can be colored with crayon, mounted on heavy cardboard and covered with clear contact paper. When presenting the story, it is a good idea to prop the poster and display it so that the group of children can view it easily.

Each story has a list of supplementary activities that give children additional practice in understanding the concepts. The Appendix contains directions for making Peggy Piggy, additional materials to use with the lessons and the Parent materials.

Who Is To Receive This Curriculum

It is most important to remember that the curriculum is appropriate for children ages three to five years. There are a few activities, however, which are not for three-year-olds. The Private Body Part Stories (Unit II) and the Touch Safety Stories (Unit V) are to be presented only to the four- and five-year-olds. These stories have the Not-For-Three-Year-Old symbol located in the upper right hand corner of each story. These activities involve more detailed information and require more complex thinking skills than we can expect most three-year-olds to handle. If your group has children of mixed ages, when you teach these activities, do not include three's in Group Time but have other activities planned for them.

The best time to present the lessons is in the morning at a Special Group Time. The lessons should not be presented with other Circle Time activities; however, it is all right to settle the children with a song or a finger play before beginning the lesson.

Peggy Piggy (see Appendix) is a hand puppet which is used as a group motivator. She introduces, explains, and repeats the rules as needed for Group Time. She also introduces some of the activities and models the expected behavior. You may use another puppet of your choosing as a group motivator. It is important, however, that you use this puppet only for this Special Group Time.

The first step in planning for Group Time with Peggy Piggy should be to find the best place in your room for the activities. Finding a private, quiet place where you and the children won't be interrupted or distracted is important. Perhaps a corner of the room would be best. The space that you decide on should be used each time you present the activities in this curriculum. Softness in the form of a rug or pillows will help the children to relax and enjoy the activities. Next, decide how the children will be seated. These are some ideas:

The group should be limited to the number of children regularly in the group. The activities will not be effective if the group is too large. Groups of 5 to 10 children are recommended.

It is important that you plan ahead and make materials well in advance. Look over the lesson and gather all the materials you will need. You may want to put them in a special box in the order in which they will be used so that you won't have to fumble for the item that comes next.

If the children are to enjoy the activities, you must. present them enthusiastically. As you lead the activities, speak and look directly at the children. Don't allow the pace to drag between activities or you will lose their attention.

The younger the age group, the shorter the lessons should be. For example, 10-15 minutes is long enough for three-year-olds, and 20 minutes is about the limit for four-year-olds. Even though you may not have finished the lesson, if you sense that the children are losing interest, it is best to end the activities and plan to finish them another time.

What If They Don't Listen?

The puppet, Peggy Piggy, will help you set behavior standards for Group Time. She is very shy and comes out only when it is quiet. So that Peggy Piggy has a quieting effect on the children, handle and pat her gently and speak softly to her. When she is not in use, she should be kept in her house which could be a specially decorated basket or box. She is to be used only at Group Time.

Develop a special soft piggy voice to use for the puppet. Children tire of our voices and sometimes tune us out, but they listen attentively to a new puppet voice.

Perhaps a child tells you that he/she doesn't want to come to Group Time. It is best to allow that child to do something quiet and not force him/her to participate. If you make Group Time short and fun, children

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will look forward to the activities. These are some ideas to use if a child becomes inattentive:

Be prepared, keep the activities moving, be enthusiastic, have fun wi.th your children, and behavior problems will be few.

The staff and parents should together decide what terminology to use when referring to the genitals, either the correct anatomical terms or the general. term "private body parts." This decision should be made at the Parent Meeting when the curriculum is introduced.

It is important that young children know the correct names for the genitals. Teaching children the correct names helps them become aware of the entire body and giv ' es them adequate vocabulary for describing potentially abusive situations. For boys, the correct names are penis and anus; for girls, the correct names are vagina and anus. Lessons with these terms show the optional "private body parts" in brackets.

Information regarding disclosure can be found in the Appendix under the title "Disclosure Procedures for Parents, Teachers, and Caregivers."

The original Keeping Safe With Crystal and Jason curriculum has been presented to thousands of young children in Tennessee. A major result is that many children have disclosed abuse or situations which might have led to abuse (i.e., child was asked to take off clothes for no apparent reason). In so doing, they see teachers and caregivers as "an adult friend who can help." It is important that you, the teacher, be prepared for this to happen and are ready to handle appropriately such a situation.

It is good review and reinforcement for your three- or four-year-olds to be taught the curriculum again when they are four- or five-year-olds. They will feel more confident about their knowledge and skills which helps improve their self-esteem. They will also be good role models for the "first timers" who may be in the group. You can add variety to the curriculum by using different supplementary activities each year.

LESSON 7. TOUCH SAFETY

Peggy Piggy greets the children and introduces the story.

Teresa liked riding the van home from the day care center. But lately she hadn't liked going home because Mama's boyfriend Rick would be there. He took care of Teresa while her mother was at work.

Teresa had liked Rick at first. He would buy her special presents, he took her shopping at the mall, they looked at all the dolls and he bought Teresa her favorite one. But lately be had been touching her in a way she didn't like. He put his hand into her panties and touched her vagina [a private part of her body). He made Teresa promise not to tell. He said it was their secret. Teresa told Rick she was going to tell her Mama. Rick said if she told her Mama he would not buy her any more presents.

Teresa was so mixed up and scared. She knew she wanted Rick to stop touching her, but she also wanted him to give her presents. And if Mama liked him, shouldn't she like him too?

Today when Teresa got off the van she saw her Mama standing at the door of her apartment. She looked sad and worried.

"Mama," said Teresa, "I'm glad you're at home. What's wrong? Where's Rick? "

Mama took Teresa by the band and walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

Mama said, "Teresa, Rick has gone and won't be back. He is no longer my boyfriend. We just couldn't get along. I know how much you liked him, he was very good to you but

Teresa began to cry.

"Sweet pea, what's wrong? We can still do things together, Rick just won't be here."

Teresa spoke in a very quiet voice. "I'm glad he's gone."

"But I thought you liked Rick."

"No," said Teresa, "not anymore."

"Why not, Teresa?" Mama asked, looking puzzled.

"He's not a nice man, Mama. I don't like him bothering me."

"Teresa, bothering you? What are you talking about? What does he do that bothers you?"

"I don't like him putting his hands on my vagina [on a private part of my body] and touching me," said Teresa.

"You mean Rick has been touching your vagina [a private part of your body]? Oh, Teresa. Why didn't you tell me?"

"He told me he wouldn't give me any more presents and he told me it was a secret just between him and me. Did I make him go away?" cried Teresa.

"Oh, baby, it's not your fault. You're not to blame for what Rick did."

That night Teresa and her Mama had a long talk.

Mama said, "Teresa, I don't want anyone to do that to you again. We need to talk about some Personal Safety Rules. Listen carefully."

The rules are:

We should never keep secrets about someone touching private parts of your body such as your vagina or anus. If someone asks you to keep a secret like that, you should tell me or another adult that you trust.

- If anyone tries to touch you on your vagina or anus [private body parts] say, "No, don 't touch me," and get away. Those kinds of touches are unsafe touches.

- Find someone to tell. Someone you trust like me, your teacher or Reverend Smith.

"Teresa, I love you very much and I know it was hard to tell me about Rick but I'm very glad you did. It's important to remember these personal safety rules so that you will know what to do if anybody tries to touch you on your vagina or anus [a private part of your body], and remember, Sweetpea, you can always tell Mama. If you are not sure if it's an unsafe touch, we can decide together. But always tell me or someone you trust."

Teresa's Mama g"e her a great big hug. Teresa felt safe and happy for the first time in a long time.

Teacher: Today's story was about Personal Safety. Personal Safety means keeping our bodies safe. Teresa's mother taught her some rules for keeping her body safe from unsafe touches. Teresa got an unsafe touch from her mother's boyfriend, Rick. Sometimes children can get unsafe touches from people they know. Rick tried to touch Teresa on her vagina [a private body part]. Remember that private body parts are the parts of the body covered by your underpants; for girls they are called vagina and anus, for boys they are called penis and anus.

Teresa's mother gave her some Personal Safety Rules to follow. They were:

Peggy Piggy: Tomorrow we will talk about another Touch Safety Story.

Peggy Piggy tells the children they are going to practice personal safety rules.

Problem 1. Paul's cousin wants to touch Paul's penis [private body part]. Paul is scared but he knows it's an unsafe touch and he knows he needs to do something. What can Paul do? What can Paul say to his cousin? Is it Paul's fault? Who can Paul tell?

Problem 2. Sarah is staying with the lady next door while her mother is away. The neighbor wants to play a touching game. She asks Sarah to touch her vagina. She says to keep it a secret. Is it okay to touch the baby sitter's vagina? Why? Should Sarah keep it a secret? Why? What would you do if someone asked you to touch her vagina? What if Sarah was afraid to tell her mother about the touching game? Who else could she tell?

I.ESSON B. TOUCH SAFETY

Peggy Piggy greets the children and introduces the story.

"Hey, Matthew- Uncle Mark just called. He wants to take you on a weekend camping trip. Doesn't that sound like fun? I can't believe him; he's always doing nice things for you," said Matthew's Mama. "Matthew, do you hear me?"

Matthew said, "Yes, I hear you, Mama." Matthew's face grew sad. He remembered the last time he was with Uncle Mark.

It seemed like a long time ago, the last time that Matthew spent the night at his uncle's. He was having so much fun. They went riding on Uncle Mark's big black motorcycle and-ate dinner at McDonald's. Later at Uncle Mark's apartment they popped popcorn and watched T.V.

Matthew must have fallen asleep. That was when it happened. He was sleeping on Uncle Mark's couch. When he woke up Uncle Mark was sitting beside him. Uncle Mark had put his hand inside Matthew's pajama bottoms and was touching Matthew's penis [a private part of his body].

Matthew was so scared. He just lay there saying nothing, just wishing his uncle would stop touching him.

It seemed like forever and then suddenly Uncle Mark stopped.

Matthew just looked at Uncle Mark. He didn't know what to say. Then Uncle Mark told Matthew that what had just happened was a secret that couldn't be shared with anybody, not even his Mama- He said that if he told anyone that Matthew wouldn't g et the bicycle Uncle Mark had promised.

That was what had happened the last time Matthew was with

Uncle Mark. And now Uncle Mark wanted to take him on a camping trip.

Matthew was so scared and confused. His Mama wanted him to go on the trip. She thought it would be fun. But Mama didn't know what Uncle Mark was doing to him.

What was he going to do? He wanted to tell his Mama.

"Matthew, did you hear me? Don't you want to go with Uncle Mark?" Mama said, looking concerned.

Matthew just looked at his Mama, unable to say a word. A tear began running down his face.

"Why Matthew, what in the world is wrong? Why are you crying? I've never seen you look so scared."

Matthew said softly, "Uncle Mark does thing-, I don't like."

"Like what?" said his Mama.

"Uncle Mark touched me down there."

"What are you saying, son? Your uncle touched your penis [a private part of your body]?"

"Yes, Mama and he told me not to tell anybody or else he said be wouldn't get me that bike I wanted. He said it was our secret."

Mama cried, "Oh no, how could he do that to you, my poor baby."

Matthew's Mama hugged him and cried.

Soon his Mama said, "Matthew, I'm really upset with Uncle Mark. I'm glad you told me. Let me calm down and then we will talk after supper."

Later that evening Matthew's Mama came to his room to talk. She smiled at him and gave him a kiss on his head.

"Your uncle had no right to give you an unsafe touch. It wasn't your fault. It must have been very scary for you. I want to give you some personal safety rules so that you will know what to do if ever that happens to you agaim."

The rules are:

"That's a lot to remember. Do you think you can remember those rules, Matthew?"

"Yes, Mama."

"You are a brave boy. Thank you for telling me about Uncle Mark. I will help you remember the Personal Safety rules."

"Matthew, I'm going to talk with Uncle Mark about what he did to you. You don't ever have to worry about going anywhere with him again. I will handle Uncle Mark."

"You know, this has been a very difficult day for us both. Let's put our worries behind us and spend some fun time together. What about going for an ice cream cone?"

"May I have three scoops said Matthew.

"You may have any-thing you want," laughed Mama.

"Thanks Mama," said Matthew.

Teacher: Here is another story about Private Body Part Touching:

Crystal's babysitter, Rose, wanted to play a touching game with her. Crystal was scared but she didn't want to play the touching game with her babysitter. Crystal said no to Rose in a big, loud voice. When Crystal's mother came home, she told her Mother about Rose.

Who would you tell? Who else could you tell?

Ask the following "What If" situations, using the concepts of "Saying

No" and "Telling."